sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
