I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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