i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
