He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
