So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
