I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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