Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
