I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
