im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
