at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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