i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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