every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
