Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
