I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
