kristin has been a bad kristin
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
