Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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