is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
