1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
