btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
