I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just pee around me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
