Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
