before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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