They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
