I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
