so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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