No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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