I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
