I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you win again, gameday.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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