where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
