remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
