Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
