too bad you live with your parents still
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Damn victory sex feels great
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
