My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
