Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
