yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
