He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
