if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
