I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
