We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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