Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
