I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
