He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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