Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I forgot wine drunk hurts
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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