3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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