just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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