if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
