Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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