I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
