Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
