The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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