pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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