yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
