my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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